Monday, September 30, 2013

THE IMPOSSIBLE

Thus says the Lord of hosts:  Even if this should seem impossible in the eyes of the remnant of this people, shall it in those days be impossible in my eyes also, says the Lord of hosts?
                                                                                                            Zechariah 8:6

All that we do
is touched with ocean, yet we remain
on the shore of what we know.
                            Richard Wilbur

The combination of these two thoughts from my morning prayer time (interrupted by a call from the window company saying the new windows are in and will be coming at 8 AM tomorrow, much earlier than I had expected) reinforced the perception, particularly since my husband died, that all of life is shot through with mystery.  We think we know where we are going, but of course we don't.  We think we understand life and can control it, but we can't.  When we lived in New Jersey, I imagined that we would live in that same area all our lives, perhaps move to a larger house, but that after I became a famous poet, the house would be preserved as the place where I lived (well, I was young and foolish then)!

When we made our WorldWide Marriage Encounter Weekend, I had no idea that by bringing a Spirit-filled wind of openness to our marriage, we would move to California with two little girls and a two month old baby seven months later and be off on an adventure that challenged us to change frequently in our marriage, our communication, our perceptions of other people and of the Church, and in what the Lord wanted us to do in our lives.  And after 30 years, when we had come back as a presenting Team for WWME and were committed to living that lifestyle for the rest of our lives, the Lord took my beloved husband to himself and I am once again facing the largest and most daunting change of my life.
As I have told many people who have called me, come to see me, taken me out to breakfast or lunch or dinner, I never expected to be a widow, since I was the one always going to the doctor and my husband enjoyed perfect health until he contracted a virulent cancer that took his life less than 7 months after he was diagnosed.  And yet, I am so aware of the grace that is poured out on me each day, making me a much stronger woman than I have ever been, and more grateful for the life I am given each day, and determined to use it for the Lord's glory, just as my beloved husband did very consciously each day he lived after he was told of his cancer.  So I remain open to the impossible and alert to the ocean running just out of hearing.

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