Saturday, September 7, 2013


Snail, snail, glister me forward,
Bird, softsigh me home,
Worm, be with me.
This is my hard time.
                     --Theodore Roethke

Another quote from Healing after Loss touched me this morning after my son left to spend the day with friends and then work an overnight camp.  I had gone to the farmers' market for the first time in several weeks, and it was nice to see many of the farmers and vendors who have become my friends in the years I have been going.  I got leeks from the Dutch farmer couple, a lovely mix of mushrooms and wax and green beans from the very first farmer I met who has the most delicious strawberries when they are in season, cheese curds, bird friendly coffee, and sushi grade salmon brought out from a special place in the truck when I asked if they had any.  When I got home, I had a belated small breakfast (since it is a day of fasting and prayer for peace requested by Pope Francis) and heard an occasional note from the beautiful alto Gregorian wind chime given me by a friend in honor of my beloved husband.  She didn't know how much he loved Gregorian chant, but whenever I hear the wind playing in the chimes, I am reminded again of his presence still in my life.

With the insurance company no farther forward in determining what they will pay towards the second batch of wet carpet and wall damage, things are still in somewhat of an uproar after the flood which leaves me in a state of disequilibrium, and I find myself having a hard time settling down to do any of the major projects I think I should, or even getting to my French horn practice earlier in the day than nine o'clock at night.  When I told my reconstruction agent how I felt yesterday, she took me into the area that will be my new office, and I went through an entire box of Marriage Encounter things and sorted them all out, and then we finally moved the big file cabinet out of the closet so she can remove the last of the carpet and get that painted and fixed up with shelves for all my office supplies.  Once I had done all that, I did feel much better.  And, in addition, this week she painted the large wall a deep purple, with glossy white trim, and when I think we haven't really gotten much done, I just look at that beautiful wall and know that we are making progress!

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